Gone are the days of the golden retriever boyfriend. It’s time for the rise of the black cat.
We’ve seen years of praise for the doe-eyed boys who woo their partners with doting affections and a bubbly energy that would be over-the-top if not so endearing. But when Will Sharpe’s character Felix showed up in Lena Dunham’s “Too Much,” he didn’t fit that archetype. Alone in a London dive bar, Jess (Megan Stalter) looks up from her drink to listen to his band, ironically named “Felix and the Feelers.” Felix dons a busted denim jacket, his pitch-black wavy hair falling just over his right eye. He doesn’t fall at her feet — he charms her, maybe unintentionally, with wit, but pulls away before unveiling his emotional side.
He’s not the only leading man with a chip on his shoulder. More viewers are starting to root for the emotionally complex men, like Carmy (Jeremy Allen White) in “The Bear,” over the happy-go-lucky “golden retriever” guys.
Look no further than Jenny Han’s “The Summer I Turned Pretty” fan-favorite character, Conrad. The brooding older brother was Belly’s first love. His emotional unavailability eventually lends itself to heartbreak on both sides, and Belly starts to date his brother, Jeremiah, the irresponsible, smiley frat bro.
Han has hinted that the show may differ from the books’ ending, but vocal fans online have been rooting for Conrad’s redemption arc. He pulled away from her because he couldn’t handle the immensity of his emotions, be it love for Belly or grief over his mom’s death. But the fact that he’s in therapy this season, confronting his issues, makes him all the more compelling.
On Netflix’s “Ginny and Georgia,” Ginny dates the sweet, popular boy, but doesn’t feel a romantic spark. It’s her connection with her introverted neighbor, Marcus, that takes center stage throughout the show’s three seasons. He’s initially introduced as a nonchalant “bad boy” type, but as the series progresses, viewers get to know his sensitive, caring side — while also watching him struggle with depression and self-destructive behaviors.
Viewers resonated with the show’s depiction of Marcus’ depression. They’re still rooting for the couple to end up together, just once Marcus is further along on his healing journey. “I’m a hopeless lover of Ginny and Marcus. Sue me,” one Redditor wrote.
Men aren’t a monolith — both “black cats” and “golden retrievers” can be multidimensional. But it seems viewers are pining after the brooding heartthrobs now more than ever.
“There’s a desire to get beyond the mystery and see what lies within,” says psychotherapist Amy Morin. “We might think they’d be willing to be vulnerable if they were in a trusting, healthy relationship. We want to see the walls come down so we can learn more about how they really feel.”
Seeing men be vulnerable is ‘breaking the masculine code’
In January, a video of Bad Bunny crying went viral after his song “DTMF” blew up on TikTok, and the moment opened up a conversation around masculinity and emotion.
“Bad Bunny signals to young men that it’s not only acceptable, but also healthy to confront and express their feelings, which is something that men and young boys haven’t been taught to do,” Sheldon Jacobs, a licensed therapist who serves on the National Alliance on Mental Illness Board of Directors, previously told USA TODAY. “It’s really pushing and challenging those cultural norms.”
Mental health experts say it’s crucial for young boys and men to understand the importance of showing emotion, which can contribute to building long-lasting relationships and overall mental wellness.
“It’s breaking the masculine code, stepping out of the man box, and saying, ‘Yeah, I’m vulnerable,'” said Ronald Levant, a professor emeritus of psychology at The University of Akron and co-author of “The Problem with Men: Insights on Overcoming a Traumatic Childhood from a World-Renowned Psychologist.”
We’ve always had a soft spot for the elusive ‘bad boy’
It would be remiss to talk about pensive sadboys without paying tribute to those who paved the way: Jess from “Gilmore Girls,” Lucas from “One Tree Hill,” Chuck from “Gossip Girl,” Craig and Eli in “Degrassi: The Next Generation.” We’ve always had a soft spot for the troubled or quiet boy with a good heart, who feels too much that they attempt to shut down any feelings at all.
Female leads have long had to choose between the elusive bad boy and the seemingly sensible choice. Take “The Vampire Diaries,” for example. Stefan, a vampire too gentle to drink human blood, eventually loses Elena to his brother, Damon, the cruel killer with a tender side just for her.
You can’t always ‘fix’ emotionally unavailable men
The new twisted rom-com, “Oh, Hi!,” follows a young woman named Iris (Molly Gordon) who handcuffs her new beau, Isaac (Logan Lerman), to the bed during a remote romantic getaway after he says they’re not exclusive. We get glimpses of Isaac’s past throughout the film that help explain why he can’t give up his heart. Still, the premise of the film is that Iris can convince him to want a real relationship.
Morin says there’s “a danger to romanticizing emotionally unavailable men.”
“There may be a desire to fix them or help them so that they can grow closer and become more trusting. But, in reality, they might prefer avoidance,” she explains.
“So while it sounds intriguing to pursue a mysterious man,” she continues, “he just might not be emotionally available. And it’s not your job to draw it out of him or change him.”
But sometimes the bad boy can be tamed. Chuck and Blair got married, Elena chose Damon, and (“Too Much” spoiler alert) even Felix and Jessica find happiness. We’ll have to wait and see if our new favorite “black cat boyfriend,” Conrad, takes the girl home this fall. Maybe he’ll even crack a smile for a change.
Contributing: Rachel Hale, Patrick Ryan
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: What’s a ‘black cat boyfriend’? Meet the guys stealing our hearts
The post ‘Golden retriever’ guys are out. It’s a ‘black cat boyfriend’ summer. appeared first on USA TODAY.
