Yvette Henry was in her kitchen fixing up dinner. So were all four of her kids.
“Ya’ll, we have almost 4,000 square feet here and you’re all right here. Right here,” she said on the “How Married Are You?!” podcast that she hosts with her husband, Glen Henry.
But then she remembered a TikTok video about “living room kids” and “bedroom kids,” and realized she and her husband had built a home dynamic where their children felt emotionally safe in shared spaces.
“I don’t think that I always appreciate what I have in this situation,” Henry said in the podcast clip that hit nearly 1 million views on TikTok and was posted elsewhere on social media. “Like the gift of all this togetherness that we are going to look back on one day and say, ‘oh my gosh, I miss that.’”
“Living room kids” and “bedroom kids” are not terms established by behavioral science but have gained popularity online as parenting influencers talk about their household dynamics and their own past upbringings.
A living room kid refers to a child who spends much of their home time in shared spaces such as the living room, kitchen or dining room. A bedroom kid refers to a child who spends most of their free time in the privacy of their bedroom. No matter what kind of person you are, if you’re a parent, pay attention to your children’s needs and what rooms they gravitate to. There’s nothing inherently wrong with either.
Although it might result in more messes, parents should feel proud knowing that living room kids feel comfortable and safe when congregating with family, said Whitney Raglin Bignall, associate clinical director of the Kid’s Mental Health Foundation, a nonprofit promoting children’s mental health.
“Safety could play a role,” she said. If there’s a lot of family conflict, a child might spend more time in their room to avoid that stressor.
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Why some kids prefer living rooms over bedrooms
It’s not just about safety, Raglin Bignall said. There are other factors at play, such as culture, age and personality.
Some children are naturally more introverted than others, she said. Other children prefer quiet and solitary activities, like reading. Families may designate specific playrooms for children and adult spaces for parents to unwind.
Children also tend to spend more time in their rooms as they enter their pre-teen and teenage years, said Dr. Thomas Priolo, a child psychiatrist at Hackensack Meridian Health.
“A teenager will want to be more independent and feel responsible for themselves, and having a space for themselves in their room allows them to take control,” he said. “As children get older, it becomes more important and more of a conscious decision.”
The time children spend in their room may also depend on the time of year, Priolo said. During the school year, kids are more socially stimulated by school and extracurricular activities, so they may want more time to unwind in their room alone.
Why it’s OK to be a ‘bedroom parent’
It’s not necessarily a bad thing for children to spend more time in their bedroom, but he said parents should be wary if an ordinarily “living room” kid suddenly starts isolating in their room. This could be a sign that there’s something wrong.
“Rather than viewing it as ‘living room’ versus ‘bedroom kids,’ the best way to view it is as a house and making sure that kids feel safe no matter where they are,” Priolo said.
Riglin Bignall also reminds parents that having “living room kids” can sometimes be overwhelming. It’s OK to be a “bedroom parent” every once in a while to recharge.
“Everyone needs breaks. You can’t have people around you all the time,” Riglin Bignall said. “It’s great to have communal and family time and build family belonging but it’s also important to think about when are you making sure you have time to fill your cup.”
Adrianna Rodriguez can be reached at [email protected].
This article originally appeared on USA TODAY: Living room, bedroom kids: TikTok parents reflect on family dynamics
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