Emely Rumble, a therapist in New York City who brings literature into her practice, knows that reading can help people reflect on their lives.
In the summer of 2024, she hosted a book group discussion on “Fighting for Our Friendships,” by Danielle Bayard Jackson. As the group analyzed how someone in the book handled a challenging friendship, a group member had “an emotional breakthrough,” Ms. Rumble recalled.
The group member realized she’d tackled her own issue the opposite way, Ms. Rumble explained, and decided to take action that night. She sent her old friend a voice message, and after years of silence, the pair began repairing their friendship, Ms. Rumble said.
Friendships are vital to our health, the research shows, yet they often take a back seat to romantic relationships. “There are so few resources devoted to the topic,” said Miriam Kirmayer, a clinical psychologist in Montreal who focuses on social connection. But books, she said, can give us tools for creating and sustaining meaningful bonds.
These five titles, recommended by counselors, researchers and health professionals, explore how to build, nurture and repair your friendships — helping you shift your mind-set and find more joy in them.
‘Platonic’ by Marisa G. Franco
This book, published in 2022, was the top recommendation from our experts. In it, Dr. Franco explores the psychology and neuroscience behind adult friendships, explaining how they affect our mental and physical health.
Alexandra Solomon, a psychology professor at Northwestern University and host of the “Reimagining Love” podcast says she appreciates how Dr. Franco uses attachment theory, which explains how our early relationships shape our future connections, to help readers “create emotional safety and security within our friendships.”
“We typically see this model applied to romantic relationships,” said Matt Sosnowsky, a therapist and the founder of Philadelphia Talk Therapy. “However, it’s just as relevant with friendships because connection, of any sort, is both wonderful and scary.”
“Platonic” offers solutions for reaching secure attachment in friendships, Mr. Sosnowsky said. He cited its practical tips to help the reader experiment with vulnerability, like extending an invite to a new friend and opening up “about the things in life that bring us pain, or even shame.”
‘The Other Significant Others’ by Rhaina Cohen
This 2024 title “looks at what happens when we give friendships the same weight and significance as romantic relationships,” said Ms. Rumble, whose forthcoming book, “Bibliotherapy in the Bronx,” chronicles her experience leading the therapy book group.
Ms. Cohen interviewed people all over the United States who had built friendships that “brought together financial interdependence and domestic interdependence,” Dr. Solomon said, illustrating how full someone’s life can be without a traditional romantic partner.
Eli J. Finkel, a psychology professor at Northwestern University and a host of the “Love Factually” podcast, likes how Ms. Cohen asks “whether our tendency today to center the romantic relationship is promoting versus undermining human welfare.”
This book, he said, “demonstrates that people can live deep, meaningful lives that don’t revolve around a romantic partner.”
‘Big Friendship’ by Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman
The longtime friends (and podcast hosts) Ms. Sow and Ms. Friedman wrote this 2020 book as a “real-life account of their friendship,” said Erica Schwartzberg, a psychotherapist in New York City.
Mixing research with their personal stories, the authors offer insights for maintaining friendships. For instance, they unpack the term “shine theory,” which is the idea that when your friends succeed, you do too. And they argue that the key ingredient for a lasting friendship is effort. At one point, these friends even turned to a couples’ counselor for help.
Ms. Schwartzberg said that she recommends this book to her clients in their 20s and 30s, because it “depicts the complexities and challenges that arise in rich friendships.”
‘The Art of Loving’ by Erich Fromm
First published in 1956, this classic is a “wise philosophical treatise” on what it actually means to love someone, Dr. Finkel said.
Mr. Fromm argues that love helps us become the best version of ourselves, said Dr. Franco, the author of “Platonic.” But he’s “pretty critical of romantic love,” she added, as it can be a selfish attempt to “complete” ourselves through another person. Instead, Mr. Fromm supports “brotherly love,” or friendship, as “the more powerful form of love,” she said.
“The Art of Loving” also presents the idea that love is not simply a feeling but a practice, said Anthony Jack, a professor of ethics at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland.
Love in action: “I can’t think of a more accurate or profound definition of friendship,” Dr. Finkel said.
‘The Friendship Cure’ by Kate Leaver
Our friendships are crucial to our health, argues Ms. Leaver in this 2018 call-to-arms that explores what friendship is, why it matters and how we can make the most of it.
Reflecting on the loneliness epidemic, Ms. Leaver says friendship is a potential cure. The book blends research with personal stories from people she interviewed, offering tools to nurture friendships, as well as ways to repair broken connections.
“This book truly breaks down why we need friendship to survive, why we crave it when it is feeling scarce, and how we’ve evolved to seek out connection with other humans,” said Chelsea Sarai, a Los Angeles psychologist.
She recommends it to clients, and added that it’s an important reminder of the value of authentic connection “in an increasingly digital world.”
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