In Unhitched, couples tell the stories of their relationships, from romance to vows to divorce to life afterward.
Emily and Matthew Hyland met in September 2001 while they were in college. It was just after Sept. 11, and the two had bonded because both had family living near the World Trade Center in Lower Manhattan. After marrying, they moved to New York City and started a pizza restaurant in the Clinton Hill neighborhood of Brooklyn. But the stress of growing a business took its toll, and as the business expanded, the marriage failed.
Dates of marriage Oct. 4, 2007 to Oct. 17, 2019
Age when married Ms. Hyland was 25; Mr. Hyland was 26. (They are now 42 and 43.)
Current occupations She is a published poet and yoga teacher living in Santa Fe, N.M.; he is a chef and restaurant owner in Austin, Texas. Together they remain partners in the New York restaurants.
Children None together; he has a son and a daughter with his second wife.
Where did they grow up? Mr. Hyland grew up in Bay Ridge in Brooklyn and in Greenwich, Conn. His parents divorced when he was 17 while he was away at boarding school. She was raised in Ridgewood, N.J. Her parents were married until her mother’s death in 2020.
How did they meet? They were both attending Roger Williams University in Bristol, R.I. She was studying creative writing and sociology, and he was a computer science major. They graduated in 2004.
What was it about the other? Both described their connection as easy and fun. “Matt was smart, funny and with a big personality,” she said. “He took care of me well.”
“We had similar backgrounds, and Emily was grounding for me,” he said. “She had good ideas and was very practical. With Emily I took more risks.”
Why did they marry? The two had been together for seven years and were living together in Manhattan. She had earned an M.F.A. in poetry from Brooklyn College in 2006. He had graduated from culinary school in 2004 and was working as a cook. She was a schoolteacher while studying for a master’s degree in English education at Brooklyn College. Both felt it was time to put down roots.
“It felt right to marry,” she said. “This is where relationships go.”
“It was the next step,” he said.
How were the early times? They had fun exploring New York’s dining scene. They would save for fancy nights out, but regularly ate dollar dumplings and good ice cream.
Were they happy? Both said they were very happy. Whatever small fights they had were easily resolved.
First signs of trouble? Four years into their marriage their lives began taking different turns. He was a pizza chef and she was training to be a yoga instructor. They began to spend their free time differently.
In 2013, they saw an opportunity to open a restaurant in Clinton Hill. They called it Emily. He cooked; she managed operations. Two years later, they opened another Brooklyn restaurant, Emmy Squared in Williamsburg, and, with investors, Pizza Loves Emily in the West Village of Manhattan. Despite their business successes, the relationship was unraveling. She spent a lot of time with a male friend in what she said, in retrospect, was an emotional affair. There was a lawsuit against the business, and in 2014 her mother was diagnosed with cancer.
Both were overwhelmed. “I forced Emily into the restaurant business, but I don’t think she was built for running a restaurant,” he said. She agreed.
Did they try to work on things? They began therapy, but it didn’t go well. She was “a puddle of desperation,” she said. He wanted space, but she couldn’t give it to him. When they stopped therapy together, the two started seeing therapists on their own.
Who asked for the split? He did, in the summer of 2017. She began staying out late after work with friends, something she never wanted to do with him. She suggested opening the relationship, which made him angry. “I woke up one day and left,” he said. “I felt done.”
She worried about the effect on the restaurants, but by that time he didn’t care. “I stopped being afraid of the effect a split would have on the restaurant,” he said.
The final breakup? He wrote her a letter, and then left to stay with his brother. For a short time they worked together, but that wasn’t sustainable. In August 2017 he stepped away from the restaurant, and they both lived alone for the first time.
“I was scared of losing the life we shared,” he said. “I knew where I needed to go but it wasn’t easy.”
That September she discovered she was pregnant with his child and made the difficult decision to end the pregnancy.
Did they feel stigmatized? He did not, but she did. They had just published a cookbook, “Emily: The Cookbook,” that tracked their love story, and it felt “dishonest,” she said. She added that she felt embarrassed and ashamed.
How did they fare financially? It took time to settle the divorce, even though they split everything equally. Neither of them could agree on who was going to buy the other out of the original restaurant, so they decided to remain joint owners. They have a manager who runs it, and they remain silent partners in the other restaurants.
How did they move on? In 2018, they had a huge argument in front of one of their restaurants, and in a fit of rage she hit him with her book bag and was arrested. (He later decided not to press charges.) For several years they were really angry at each other.
After the arrest, she attended a grief retreat in Abiquiu, N.M., and began writing poetry again. In the late summer of 2018 she met her current husband; they married in 2022 and moved to Santa Fe, N.M., together.
In 2019, Mr. Hyland met his current wife through mutual friends. They married in 2021 and moved to Austin, where they own a Chinese restaurant.
What would you have done differently? “Develop better communication skills,” she said. “We simmered for a long time, then exploded.”
“Who you are as a teenager is not the same as when you are in your 30s,” he said.
Both say they could have handled the divorce differently, and less expensively. “We could have spent much less,” he said.
Looking back, what advice would they offer others? The two say going into business together is a step not to be taken lightly — with anyone. “Shared visions can change,” he said.
“Running something together sounds romantic, but make sure the business paperwork is lined up as if you weren’t married,” she said.
What is life like now? As business partners, they talk several times a week. Both say their friendship is healthy. She is planning to meet his children. He supports her writing and is proud of her recently published book of poetry, “Divorced Business Partners: A Love Story.”
“Emily is family, we talk about everything and anything,” he said.
“I don’t regret the life we built,” she said. “I learned so much from it, but I’m happy to be on the other side of it. Matt is doing what he’s meant to do, and I’m doing what I’m meant to do.”
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