Welcome to Best of Late Night, a rundown of the previous night’s highlights that lets you sleep — and lets us get paid to watch comedy. Here are the 50 best movies on Netflix right now.
Oh, Canada
President Trump agreed to suspend his threatened tariffs on Canada’s exports after making a deal with Prime Minister Justin Trudeau on Monday.
Trump said he considered Canada’s “concessions” a “big victory,” but Jimmy Kimmel noted on Tuesday that Trudeau had reiterated a border commitment that he’d already announced.
”That’s right, under President Trump, our allies will be reiterating in their boots from now on,” Kimmel said.
“Next, his plan is he’s going to force France to give us the Statue of Liberty. Won’t that be nice? The art of the deal.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“That’s nice, he decided not to break up with them till after Valentine’s Day.” — JIMMY FALLON
“Trump’s also doubling down on this idea that Canada would agree to become our 51st state — as if Drake hasn’t been through enough this week.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“But let’s just imagine for a second that somehow they do make this happen and Canada does become a state. Do they think it would be a red state? There are 41 million people living in Canada. They’re about the same number we have in California. California has 54 electoral votes. If Canada also had 54 electoral votes, forget MAGA — our next president will be a kindhearted lesbian moose.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“I’m trying to say, I’m for it. Save us, Canada — you’re our only hope.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
The Punchiest Punchlines (Egg Edition)
“I never thought I’d live in a time where there’d be surge pricing on eggs. This is going to be a tough Easter, kids. Get ready to start hunting Swedish meatballs.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“Can you imagine if Joe Biden was still president and there weren’t any eggs in the store? Trump would be screaming into an empty McMuffin right now.” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“I’ve been eating at the wrong diner.” — STEPHEN COLBERT, on the Republican senator John Kennedy’s remark that he prefers omelets to sex
“Did we really have to learn all about this guy’s sex life just so he could get to a common expression?” — DESI LYDIC on Kennedy, who went on to say that you can’t make an omelet without breaking some eggs
“Look, I don’t know if I understand Senator Kennedy’s metaphor, but I definitely understand why he’s been banned from Denny’s.” — DESI LYDIC
“Anyway, if you’re looking for Senator Kennedy’s wife, she’s the woman in the grocery store yelling at the eggs: ‘You stay away from my husband, you cage-free sluts!’” — DESI LYDIC
“I’m just kidding — I’m sure she prefers eggs to having sex with him, too.” — DESI LYDIC
The Bits Worth Watching
Japanese Breakfast performed on Tuesday’s “Tonight Show.”
What We’re Excited About on Wednesday Night
The first-time director Julia Stiles will discuss her feature debut, “Wish You Were Here,” on “The Daily Show.”
Also, Check This Out
Larissa FastHorse, the first Native American playwright to have a show on Broadway, has followed up her acclaimed satire “The Thanksgiving Play” with “Fake It Until You Make It.”
The post Jimmy Kimmel Wants Canada to Save Us, Eh? appeared first on New York Times.
