My darling son’s college career has been on hiatus for a year, and his GPA is at the bottom of a deep well. What’s a caring parent to do?
The heavy words “academic suspension” are nothing any parent or student wants to see on their record. But after two disastrous semesters, he was suspended for a semester — and he hasn’t shown any inclination to return. Since he’s lost his scholarship, probably for good, it will be an expensive return to campus.
Here’s what I’m doing to support my son better as he takes charge of his life.
I didn’t see there could be another path for him
My generation was taught that going to college is the best way to ensure a secure, well-paying job. I also learned that a college education is a way to become more well-rounded. I thought it was a given that he would go to college and then have a career.
I passed these ideas along to my son. He was enrolled in college preparatory courses, and in middle and high school, the teachers also emphasized how important a college education would be to his future. But there was a discrepancy between what he was being told and what he saw in real life.
My son watched as his parents, both journalists with college degrees, struggled with temporary furloughs, weird hours, beau coups of stress, a relocation, and my recent layoff. Our jobs were neither secure nor particularly well-paying.
The YouTubers whose videogame playthroughs he watched didn’t necessarily need a college degree to do what they did, either — though some of them do have them — and they were making a decent living doing something they enjoy.
I wanted my son to be able to live safely, comfortably, and independently in an indifferent, cold world. But now, looking back, I worry I pushed him too hard in the direction I wanted him to go when he hesitated because I didn’t see that there was another path for him.
I’m finally listening to my son
He gave lip service during his senior year of high school about wanting to go to college but was noncommittal on many of the details. That should have been my first clue he may not be sure, yet I still dragged him to various college tours, thinking it would get him excited about going. What my son remembered the most about those trips was the heat of southern Georgia in August and being appalled the campus tour guide hadn’t tried crepes until college.
When his indifference continued, I told him to sign up for a local community college and suggested a major based on his love of food and nutrition: chemistry. He complied. Naturally, chemistry is one of the courses he failed in his first semester. Basically, I contributed to the situation we now find ourselves in — I’m no “Mother of the Year” candidate.
During the school year, he told me that things were fine, even when they weren’t. I took it as truth, because it’s what I wanted to hear. But now, I’m really listening. It seems like an obvious step, doesn’t it? Our communication had suffered because my son was telling me what he thought I wanted to hear instead of the truth. He’d gone to college because he didn’t want to disappoint me.
He’s learning by doing what he enjoys
Plenty of well-known people have hit pause on college and gone on trips overseas to “find themselves.” My son is having to find his place in the world while working at a bakery.
He seems to be enjoying most of it. In his free time after work, he cooks banana nut bread, muffins, and cookies. Cooking is both an art and a science, something he’s enjoyed since taking culinary classes in high school before the pandemic brought those courses to an end.
I suggested he enroll in culinary classes, but he seems content to just work for now. So, I’m staying out of the way as he concocts the recipe of his life while also providing support and encouragement.
I still think college while he is still young is the best option for his future. But what’s more important is what he thinks, and it’s apparent that despite all the sales pitches, he hasn’t been sold on the idea of college.
The post My child failed his first year of college. We’re not sure when or if he’s going back, but I’ll support his decision. appeared first on Business Insider.
