Even if you’ve never watched Netflix’s “Love Is Blind” reality show, at some point, you’ve probably wondered the age-old question: Is love blind? In a world that emphasizes physical appearance, it can seem downright mind-boggling when people fall in love (and get engaged) without ever seeing each other.
Well, that’s exactly what my husband and I did more than 20 years ago. Long before the show was a show — and long before dating apps existed — my husband and I lived out our own “Love Is Blind” experience.
But unlike the show, we didn’t participate in a carefully orchestrated plan to find our forever person, and we weren’t forced to make a decision in just 10 days. Still, I can honestly say that we’re OGs when it comes to couples getting engaged before ever meeting in person.
Books, literature, and love
We met in a Yahoo books and literature chat room in 2000, back when Yahoo actually had chat rooms. I was in LA, and he was in Detroit. The internet was new to me and I wanted to chat about my interests with other like-minded people, so I would join chat rooms on Yahoo once in a while.
One day, I was in the chat room when I noticed someone defending two of my favorite writers — Walt Whitman and Ralph Waldo Emerson. I remember the rush of excitement I felt at that moment and immediately knew this was someone I wanted to talk to. So, I sent a private message.
I soon learned his name was Aram, and he had a copy of “Leaves of Grass” in his car, just like I did. We began corresponding via email and AOL Instant Messenger. We’d send each other creative emails of poetry, musings about life, or just a rundown of our day. We never exchanged photos or talked about what we looked like, and we had no digital footprint since it was the early days of the internet.
After about a month of emails and chats, I told him I wanted to talk on the phone. I wanted to hear his voice, his laugh, how he said my name. It was the next step in getting to know each other and marked a turning point in our relationship. From that moment on, we talked every day. I even chatted with his mom, and he with my family.
Neither of us had a cellphone. Our hourslong phone calls turned into $300 to 400 phone bills. We’d often talk late into the evening — and if I fell asleep, he’d stay on the line.
During one such call, he realized I was the one he wanted to be with forever. He heard me breathing, woke me up in the middle of the night, and asked me to marry him. This was about three months into our daily phone calls. I was in my mid-20s, he was in his early 30s. It was a first for both of us.
While there was no engagement ring, and we still had no idea what each other looked like, we took our relationship seriously. We committed to staying exclusive, living apart together for about a year.
Our families thought we were a little crazy, but they went along with it and ultimately gave us their blessing. It helped that we took our time and didn’t rush.
We weren’t each other’s type but that didn’t matter
We never exchanged photos until just days before we met at the Detroit airport on January 23, 2001. It was a surreal and hilarious moment we still laugh and reminisce about. Even though we believed looks didn’t matter, we didn’t exactly fit each other’s “ideal” in terms of physical appearance.
Up until that point, I was mostly attracted to skinny blonde guys, and he thought California girls looked like the women on “Baywatch.” Well, I’m a short Latina, and he’s a tall, husky Armenian. Fortunately, when we met, the love was already there, and no physical trait was about to change that. He thought I was beautiful, and I told him he could’ve been a Cyclops, and I would’ve still loved him.
While we fell in love quite quickly, we considered engagement its own form of marriage and didn’t tie the knot until 14 years later. We decided to make our relationship official in May 2015, surrounded by loved ones. It ended up being the happiest day of our lives.
After more than 20 years of making each other laugh and supporting each other through life’s most joyful moments and painful losses, I can say absolutely yes, love is blind.
It’s not always what you expect it to be — it can be so much better.
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