It all began in November 2022, when the actor Andrew Garfield approached Amelia Dimoldenberg at British GQ’s Men of the Year party and uttered four words before she had a chance to speak: “I think you’re great.”
Ms. Dimoldenberg, one of the night’s red carpet hosts, was visibly shocked to learn that he was a fan of her YouTube series, “Chicken Shop Date,” in which an unflappable Ms. Dimoldenberg goes on first dates with celebrities in fried-chicken restaurants across London. She immediately asked him out, and the two giggled and blushed for most of the exchange.
Two months later, this time at the Golden Globes, they met again, and, grinning from ear to ear, immediately began flirting with each other. Fans swooned.
“You’re obsessed with me,” she said. He replied: “That’s what I’m saying, I’m scared what it could turn into.”
Fast forward to Oct. 18, when Mr. Garfield, who has been promoting his new film, “We Live in Time,” made his highly anticipated debut on the show, now in its 10th year. The pair proceeded to spend more than 11 minutes flirting. Hard.
“Are your spidey senses tingling right now?” Ms. Dimoldenberg teased. (Mr. Garfield starred as Spider-Man in the early 2010s.)
“Don’t do that,” he said. “You get one of those.”
At times, Mr. Garfield seemed to reach for the steering wheel and try to take control of the date, pointing out the artifice of their circumstances by going so far as to tap at filming equipment overhead. He noted that they had already had “two meet-cutes,” and — as if to make it worth both their whiles — said he intended to be himself and to allow her to “know me fully.”
Previous guests, like the rapper Jack Harlow and the actor Daniel Kaluuya, have occasionally been able to go toe to toe with her, but the chemistry is rarely as palpable as it was with Mr. Garfield. (The nearly two-year buildup could have had a role.) At certain points, Ms. Dimoldenberg seemed to show real vulnerability, creating the sense that the pair’s connection is more powerful than the show’s gimmick. It’s all catnip for the romantic at heart.
Mr. Garfield and Ms. Dimoldenberg’s teasing banter, all while still being complimentary to one another and piquing each other’s curiosities, felt refreshing. Even allowing for the effects of editing, and the fact that, as an actor, it is Mr. Garfield’s job to be charming, it reminds me of how first dates should feel: not a trauma dump, not checking boxes on a list, but a genuine and playful conversation.
Rebecca Burch, a professor of human development at the State University of New York at Oswego who has written about sexual signaling and dating strategies, said that what struck her immediately was how Mr. Garfield’s nonverbal communication — when he takes Ms. Dimoldenberg’s hand and holds it, his attentiveness, his modulations of tone and volume — displayed the magic of flirting.
“Andrew is also purposely vulnerable, discussing topics that were important to him or upset him,” she said. “This is something that is particularly powerful for men to do, especially in person.”
And while Ms. Dimoldenberg mostly maintained a stoic air for the sake of the bit, Mr. Garfield pushed for more emotional connection. Professor Burch recalled a 2022 study on which she was a co-author that found evidence of the importance of humor in flirting — particularly for men to be funny and for women to laugh. But Ms. Dimoldenberg is in charge here, “so the roles are reversed.”
“You can see the pride on her face when she makes him laugh,” Professor Burch said. “Her resistance to his charms also creates more tension, for them and the viewer.”
This is not to say that natural-feeling flirting is completely M.I.A. But so much of today’s dating-related content can feel stripped of the romantic charm that many singles yearn for on a first date.
Compare “Chicken Shop Date” with “Love Is Blind,” the hit Netflix dating show that has left many viewers frustrated by the number of couples embroiled in conflict who fail to make it down the aisle. (Only two of the seven couples who got engaged during the show’s recently concluded seventh season actually tied the knot in the finale.) At the start of the season, many contestants in the pods, where singles begin to date without seeing what the other looks like, immediately jumped to discussing serious topics like death, money and gender roles.
Other popular web series about dating, like “Smash or Pass” and “Pop the Balloon or Find Love,” reduce attraction to the physical, requiring contestants to single out specific features and traits that make a potential match undesirable. It makes for entertaining content if you like seeing strangers pick one another apart.
Of course, some people have legitimate reasons to find a long-term partner quickly — family pressures, fertility concerns — and have no time to waste on small talk. Discussing children and finances can be important on a date, even on the first, but romance is, too.
T. Joel Wade, a psychology professor at Bucknell University in Lewisburg, Pa., who researches mate-attraction methods, speculated that an overreliance on apps may have caused our flirting muscles to atrophy. “We get a little bit less practice or opportunities to engage in these types of interactions because of social media,” he said.
When you consider how much content on YouTube and social media tells singles how to behave to get guaranteed positive results, Professor Wade said, it’s unsurprising that people would be moved to lock in a one-size-fits-all approach. He said that could be helpful in some cases, but flexibility is key.
“People can get a very idealized idea of how things are supposed to go in that first interactions or a scenario,” he said, “and unless it goes this particular way, it’s doomed.”
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